Redemption.

Every day we wake. She wakes up, and in turn wakes me up, and we collapse under this big beautiful green tree in the middle of what seems like an African forest. We sit and read and pray and hold on to each other to realize how much more Jesus is holding on to us. Some days look different than others simply because some days our kids are healthy and some days apart from our own sick kids; we are given more sick kids. And even further than that our hearts some days become sick themselves. Sick with our old lives back home, or sick with how we're currently living our lives now, or wanting everything in everyone's lives to just look different...look meaningful. Look like anything than what they actually appear to be. So I'm sitting under this tree (typical), and Jesus is calling out to me-literally almost yelling as He's saying,

"Child you are REDEEMED!"

...and I stop in my tracks. Like hello, have I lived away from structured society so long that I'm hearing voices in my head, or is this Yahweh? I deem it Him as I am redeemeed. After this kind of one-sided conversation I sit in awe and think about getting this one word sunk down deep within my skin forever. The next day I find myself under the same leaves opening a journal from someone who has a heart made straight from gold and the last word in it? Redeemed. Kelsey you are redeemed. Kelsey...He has REDEEMED you. And so I pray. Pray hard again as it always happens in that way, in that order. And then what does He do? Silly question as I run over the words and finally let them escape to realize that oh hey, He PROVIDES. That's what He does.

So many times we try and do it on our own. Isaac's sick and he won't stop crying...so what to we do?

"CAROLINE! He won't stop crying, no matter what I do, he just keeps crying!'
...I plead and plead for my sister to help me as I don't know how to hep this malnourished child.

As he finally falls alseep in my arms after screaming for hours, I fall asleep in my Daddy's arms who has been trying to get my attention for years...

"DADDY! I can't stop crying, no matter what I do, it's never good enough. It's never well enough. It's never...enough"

And I realize that I cannot save this boy in my arms. My flesh will fail along with my heart...so I should be crying out to the Father who heals...the Father who restores...the Father who REDEEMS! And surely enough He was holding both of us, that night. And surely enough Isaac hasn't been crying as much, and his face is filling out, and his body is even bending a bit. All because we serve a God who redeems us. A God who sees us all in shambles, covered in brokeness and still shouts out,

"DAUGHTER! I can't stop crying over your pain! DAUGHTER! No matter what happens in life I'm alway here for you. DAUGHTER! I'm always enough. DAUGHTER! I will always be enough..."

We read these red letters in the bible, or the black one's on pages of people we admire, or even our own words of affirmation resound in our heads on confusing days or tall mountains...but the only resounding voice that we should listen to is the truth of our Father who is always faithful...even when we suck beyond measure.

As for me? I woke up today and failed at loving. At giving everything to the Lord, at waking up in prayer, and treating those around me like I should. But it is the one word reminder of redemption that will ring throughout my ears all day. And it is the cross that is on my heart, and it is Isaac who is on God's. Please continue to be praying for this sweet sweet boy as we see God work miracles, and show His sense of humor proclaiming that we were silly for ever distrusting.

Peace and love, my friends.
-Kels