Choose Joy.

When I think about all that can happen in a week here, I just laugh. Everyday is different and everyday the Lord plops a new surprise in our laps. Last Friday, Kelsey and I had the opportunity to help pick up two new boys from a hospital in Kampala. The joy that resided in my heart that day I can only compare to the giddiness of a child on Christmas morning. After a trek through many sections of the gigantic hospital, my heart continued to break as I saw precious children so severely malnourished that intensive hospital care was needed or else they wouldn’t survive. The wards were jam packed with sick children and all I wanted to do was love on them, care for them, and all the more, show Jesus’ love to them and their families. These two boys had been in this crowded hospital for months while they recovered from severe malnutrition. After papers were signed and their few belongings gathered, these two precious children were plucked from their broken situation, by the beautiful grace of God, and placed into the loving and caring environment of Ekisa where they have the opportunity to experience the love of Jesus each day. Samuel and Elijah were added to the Ekisa family on Friday; they are already transitioning so well. Samuel was dancing up a storm the other night during one of our before bed dance parties. And Elijah is being cared for so well as he begins working with Viola, our physical therapist.

 Sweet Samuel

Precious Elijah
(Photo Credit: Emily Worrall)

The past week has been such a rollercoaster of emotions, especially when Kelsey and I are forced to accept the reality that we have only one week left in Uganda. Neither one of us know for sure what the future holds, but we both know for a fact that a huge piece of our hearts, all of it really, will be staying in this country as we board the plane in less than one week. While we long, selfishly, to stay in this country that has quickly become our home, we are realizing that in the same way the Lord had a mission and purpose for us here, He has a mission and purpose for us in America too.

Before arriving in Uganda, I figured I would learn a lot from living in this different culture and living a life the Lord specifically called me to. Little did I know, I would be coming home a different person; with a changed heart and mind and a love for Uganda and its people that I didn’t really expect. I knew I would love this country and love being in Africa, but I never knew that it would come to a point where my heart would long for nothing more than to care for Ugandan children and spread the name of Jesus to the compassionate, loving faces of the Ugandan people.

With that, many realizations have been occurring to us about the transition back to America. We have realized that if it were God’s plan for us to stay in Uganda, He would have made it very clear. Therefore, His plan is for us to be in America for this coming season. We have the option to be sad and anxious about the transition, or REJOICE in the fact that we get to share with others the love, redemption, and restoration we have experienced here. The Lord has changed both of our hearts in such drastic ways, it would be selfish and pointless if we kept the realizations and wisdom He has given us, to ourselves. At church this past Sunday, the pastor talked about how difficult and trying situations can sometimes become our reality, when we are so consumed with the outcome or future of a situation that we forget the broader, wider purpose of the struggles we encounter. JESUS, alone, should be our reality and the center-point that we focus our thoughts and feelings on. As reality sets in of Kels and I going home in 6 days, Jesus’ clear voice speaks even louder than our own thoughts and reminds us that as long as we continue to come before Him on our knees each and every moment of the day, His perfect will WILL be done. Therefore, what do we have to fear, why would we ever need to worry?

My heart is heavy and if I think about it too much and the sadness creeps in, but then I remember that my sweet, loving Daddy sent me on this specific mission for such a specific purpose. Although my time here looked so different than my original expectations, He has exceeded those expectations in so many ways than I ever dreamed He could. I wouldn’t change these past four months for anything. I am starting to realize that that is the way life should be lived. Each moment has a purpose; each moment is ordained. Even in the challenges, when it seems like nothing good can happen, or the moments of sadness when you realize your own selfish ambitions are not the Lord’s plan, He is still sovereign and we can still choose JOY.

“Joy is prayer, joy is strength, joy is love. Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. She gives most who gives with joy. The best way to show our gratitude to God and the people is to accept everything with JOY.”  -Mother Teresa

Even though my heart is in Uganda and at any moment I would selfishly choose to stay here, instead I strive to give the Lord my life in those moments and I must consciously choose to respond with JOY in knowing that His plan is better and He is working for my good.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, in order that He might be the first born among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.” Romans 8:28-30

“Take away your eyes from yourself and rejoice that you have nothing- that you are nothing- that you can do nothing. Give Jesus a big smile each time your nothingness frightens you. Just keep the joy of Jesus as your strength- be happy and at peace, accept whatever He takes with a big smile.”  -Mother Teresa

Bacon Bits.

 The absolute love of my life, Zak.

 Modeling, at the hospital. Naturally.

My bestest friend in the whole wide world.

One week. A lot can happen in one week. A trek up Mt. Kilimanjaro can happen. A little (or in my case a bit bigger) case of malaria can rid out of your brain in a week. A marathon of every episode of Lizzie McGuire can happen…wait…scratch that. HEHE. But for us? In one week we’ll be home. The days will fly and next Wednesday we’ll be getting on the plane to start our 28-hour journey back to the States. I wish I could say it was bittersweet, but as anxiety consumes me, I must only be honest.

Uganda is my home, now. You ask me where I live and I will tell you Norman, Oklahoma, but you ask me where my heart is? Every time I will respond with Jinja. It’s not much you can explain without seeing it, living it, breathing it. It’s not much you can understand without waking up with dirty feet and going to bed in the same way. It’s just not much I can say without tiring my voice and my hands realizing you just won’t ever know. Pictures can give you contours of people’s faces, and a basic idea of what something or someone looks like…but living somewhere? Breathing in the same musky air every day? That takes literally digging into the soil and that takes spending maybe just only one hour with our wonderful kids.

Translucency spilling every where as I truly am so excited to see my friends; my family. But transparency overriding it with the realization that I will be leaving my heart behind, and though you may want me whole-there’s going to be something missing. But what I’ve realized? That’s okay. I am never a whole person on my own, anyway. And looking at myself, I mean really getting a physical representation of the shape of my own face, I realize that I am broken. That I am only half whole. And that is because my heart will be left as soon as my body is on that plane home, but the other part is the realization that we are all left un-whole without Jesus. We are all just bacon bits, broken bits, without Him. Just all the more reason to run head over heels after our Dad, in my opinion.

Care and I express anxiety in returning home because our views have changed and our hearts are different. But peace settles in shortly after, in the realization that yes, we were meant to be here in Uganda for the past four months, but just as God ordained us to be on the plane here, so has he orchestrated us to come back home. And in order to come back, you must leave any way.

So as the week dwindles down, and nausea begins to set in, I will take in the words of my best friend saying, “Kels, it’s all gunna be okay”, and snatch the words of my Saviour saying, “Do not fear, for I am with you”, and I just know our anxious hearts will turn dim in realization that we are still, exactly in the center of God’s will for our lives. And now instead of feeling saddened by the fact that we are leaving so soon, we can have joy in the fact that we were simply even sent. And if and when it is God’s will…I know I’ll be back, maybe even side by side with my best friend once more, chasing even more ravishly after the cross.


Peace and love and even more love,
Kelsey

My Own Flesh.

One can't always tell the difference between me acting my strange self or malaria possibly entering my brain...well except my best friend, that is. 

Caroline and I had finally gone to town to indulge in the milkshake we waited 40 days for, and I had been feeling more like myself than I had that whole week. Malaria drained all the energy from my body and I felt like the dried up gum on the sidewalk. And I’m probably the worst sick person alive…I mean really I act like I can run a 5K when I have a temp of 103’. Okay not really, but I was stoked to be feeling better. After leaving one of our favorite coffee shops in town we started walking to the super market to get some groceries when I started feeling weird. I thought it was just because I was exuding more energy than I had in days, so I shook it off and continued down the street. I wish I could keep describing the next couple hours but they’re completely erased from my memory.

I told Caroline I remembered putting shorts in a bag vaguely realizing that they were forcing me to go to the hospital in Kampala, but not really knowing why? I remember no moments from the first hospital and I remember some from the second. Memory seemed to fade in and out until I finally gained coherency once we were in our hospital room. One needle turned into four as they struggled to get the canula in, and keep it in. Up there with islands and ladybugs, needles are probably one of my biggest fears, so you can only imagine my hysteria. No you probably couldn’t. Only my rock star of a best friend could as she held my hand as if I were giving birth or something. I mean really I think her hand was turning purple as she told me I could squeeze it as hard as I wanted when the needle entered my skin, and I did nothing to hesitate, taking full advantage of her gesture.

As I write these words and think about the past couple days, they were nothing short of awful. I mean hospitals are already bad enough and even worse in a third world country and maybe even worse when you have parasites in your brain. But Caroline made me laugh. She reminded me of God through the pain. She showed me Jesus through my tears. Oh how I thank Yahweh for Caroline's heart being as open and big as it is for through that I never, I mean never seize to see the love of the Lord. She exudes that. She chooses joy. And she reminds me to do the same. 

You know how people say in college to never room with your best friend? Try living and breathing every moment of your day with yours. Seems awful, yeah? Seems maybe emotionally exhausting? Possibly fight provoking, even? Well with my best friend? Well with Caroline it's different. Getting the opportunity to spend every day in my favorite place in the world with one of the most wonderful people I know could make me nothing less than so incredibly blessed. But wanna know another reason?

It's the days when I can't seem to sleep because of my insomnia and she keeps her weary eyes open for me. 

It's the mornings when I wake up and don't want to seek the Lord as well as the day before, but that's all she encourages me to do.

It's the nights when she drags me to the hospital two hours away because my simple malaria has turned cerebral...when she holds my hand during every IV, every blown canula, every dose of my awful drip, and yells at the doctors to get it right on the first try so they wouldn't have to keep poking and prodding.

And it's especially in those extra horrible moments when all you want to do is run, and she grabs onto me to fill me with an overflow of prayer. And not just a “Dear Jesus” kind of prayer but rather a, let’s go cry for hours at how faithful the creator of the Universe is, prayer. One that makes you want to fall on the cross, when you’ve already just fallen on your face.

Not to start a fight or anything, but my best friend is better than yours…and that’s because my best friend offers me wisdom from the red letters in our favorite book. That’s because she doesn’t just hold me when comforting me, she lavishly clothes me in prayer. That’s because she wakes up at 2am every night to give me the medicine that essentially, saved my life. That’s because she gives me grace. And she continues to give me grace when I don’t deserve it, because God gives us grace when we’ve never deserved it. When I think about the best representation of God’s love I immediately think of Jesus. And when I think about the second? Caroline.

Thank you God, for giving me this sister whom I now consider my own flesh. Please teach me to love others because YOU loved us first. And teach me how to give YOU the glory at the end of the day…and praise YOU in every storm; in every valley. Center my heart directly on YOUR will and not Kelsey’s. Teach me to give my days, every day, to YOU. And God thanks for healing me. Thanks for comforting me. Just really thanks for Your Son. The one you sacrificed for my ungracious heart because you love us too much.

Gosh tonight I just close my eyes feeling so dang blessed.

Peace and love, my friends; my family. The same thing, really.

Kelsey

HE is working. HIS plan is perfect.

George and her boys

Kels and I with Jamiel and Jane

Beautiful sunset on an island on Lake Victoria

Wow, it has been so long since I have blogged. When I look at my last post and think about all that has happened in between, I get a little anxious, realizing that there is no way on earth I can sum up the past month in a blog post. As I sit in our room, recollecting on my past three months in this place I now call home, it brings me to tears to think of all the ways the Lord has changed my heart and taught me more about His people, His children, and even my own self.

One of my dear best friends wrote me a letter recently and requested that Kelsey and I talk about what a typical day looks like at Ekisa. So here is the low-down of what goes on in this incredible place.

The children wake up around 6:30-7 and the volunteers usually wake up around 8ish. In the mornings we focus on chores that need to be done around the house: helping the mamas with laundry, cleaning out the fridge, doing medical stuff, organize crafts and toys, etc. Lunchtime is around noon and we typically help feed the kiddos that can’t eat by themselves. After lunch is naptime, from 1-3, in which we either hang out and rest at the house or go into town by taking a boda (motorcycle) and eat lunch or do grocery shopping (go to market). After naptime, we have intentional time with the kids. We are assigned a different child each day to spend one-on-one time with to make them feel special. Sometimes in this part of the day we will take a couple kids to town to get a soda and sweetie (candy). They LOVE going into town and wearing their smart clothes for all to see. Also, the boda ride is always a hit. Dinnertime is around 6 and then they bathe and we all hang out in the living room from 7-8, which is always mass chaos but my favorite part of the day. The kids go to bed at 8 and we go around and give them all kisses and usually snuggle a bit. After they are in bed, we make dinner and usually just watch a movie and hang out. Mondays we have worship night and Wednesdays we have Biblestudy with the other young missionaries in Jinja.

That’s kinda the run down of what our typical days look like. This past month there has been so much change. At one point, there were 7 girls living in the volunteer room, and now there are just three. We have had to say “goodbye” to some of our closest friends that share this bond with us, that truly no one else will understand fully like they do. Dynamics change when people leave, and Kelsey and I have been working to adjust to that. While change is uncomfortable, we have to realize that the Lord is causing this uncomfortable season of our time here for such a specific purpose. The past two weeks of our close friends being gone I have learned more about myself and my own heart than I probably ever have in my life. The Lord continues to break me and change me into the woman of God HE wants me to be, not the woman of God I think I am or I think I need to be. I have realized so many areas of my life I thought I had “all together” now laying at the feet of the cross as the Lord has convicted me of my own pride and selfishness. As scary and hard as it is, I continue asking for this brokenness. For in the brokenness, my Jesus is closest and His arms are holding me tightest. One of the things I hoped to learn as I came to Africa is to completely rely on the Lord in each waking moment of my day. I could easily wake up each day and wallow in my self pity and dwell on the brokenness and hurt in my heart, or instead I can bring it to the foot of the cross where I only see the face of my Savior and no longer can see my brokenness anymore. That is where I want to be. Seeing His face each day, each moment instead of dwelling in my own problems that He has already put aside and forgotten about. I am on this earth to bring my loving Savior glory and praise and I cannot do that when I am focusing on my own heart.

Our Dad is SOVEREIGN, POWERFUL, LOVING, PERFECT, COMPASSIONATE, JOYOUS, PATIENT, KIND, SELFLESS, HUMBLE, GRACIOUS, MERCIFUL, ALMIGHTY, CREATOR, LOVER OF MY SOUL. The list could go on and on until the end of time. Be encouraged by that today. That even though things in life seem so earth shattering and its seems like things will never be good again, HE IS WORKING and His timing and plan are perfect. He’s got it, so you don’t have to.

-Care

He Is Proud.

"Has it crossed your mind that I am proud you accepted the gift of faith I offered you? Proud that you freely chose Me, after I had chosen you, as your friend and Lord? Proud that, with all your warts and wrinkles, you haven't given up? Proud that you believe in Me enough to try again and again? Are you aware how I appreciate you for wanting Me? I want you to know how grateful I am when you pause to smile and comfort a child who has lost her way. I am grateful for the hours you devote to learning more about Me; for the word of encouragement you passed on to your burnt-out pastor; for your visit to the shut-in; for your tears for the retarded. What you did to them, you did to Me. Alas, I am sad when you do not believe that I have totally forgiven you or you feel uncomfortable approaching Me."

 -Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

And it hits me all the same as I read this passage for about the 30th time. He's...proud? The creator of the universe...my Abba Father....the Beginning and End is proud...of ME?

No no, NO NO NO way is this right. This isn't the case. This can't be...can it? As I weave in and out of the days circulating down to just one more month here in Jinja, I hear the bold whisper of,

"COME BACK TO ME!"

...and I shut Him out. 

"COME BACK TO ME, MY CHILD! Beloved, please. I'm proud of YOU! You're forgiven. Love keeps no record of wrongs, my sweet. I have forgotten all of your blemishes because I just want you in all of your brokenness; in all of your sin. I just want you back."

...and still I drown Him out.

Because who wants to believe that someone so big and so capable of holding the whole entire world could love me through me own pride. Could be PROUD of me through my own pride. Can't seem possible. It isn't. It can't be.

But it is.

As Caroline asks me what I want out of my next month here in Africa with her, I can only think of how much more time I want with my Father. I know that some days I wake up only to just block Him out again…sometimes I’m too afraid to come to Him because I know I’m transparent when it comes to my Daddy and I know that sometimes my intentions aren’t always sincere. But He doesn’t care. And He doesn’t care because He knows the depths of my heart and He knows that way down deep I want Him; I desire to know Him. And that is because I made the decision to follow Him and that is because I sacrificed so very little after He sacrificed so much. And yet He looks at me, every little scar and says,

“Kels…it’s you I’m proud of”

And it’s honestly that phrase that makes me never want to shut Him out. It’s the cross that today I’m so much more attentive to that I just only want to weep at. Sometimes we feel as though we must have this raging passion every day to spend time with our Dad. And when it’s not there, and the mountains are out of sight because were so lowly in the dirt, we pray for direction. We pray for the passion and the fire to return, but today that’s not what I pray for because today I remember that I am only flesh. So today I pray that even when it’s not my deepest desire to follow Him to my tree or follow Him to the cross…that I will anyway. And that each day whether it be a sprint to Him or walking with a crutch-that I will seek Him. And that He will teach me how to love Him better, and love Him most, and love Him first.

It’s crazy to think that sometimes when I wake up not wanting Him as crazy as He wants me that He’s still proud. He’s still yearning. And He’s still there. If only we could all see how proud He is of us. For taking the step only…and letting Him lead us into freedom.

Something painful was brought to my attention and while I won’t mention specifics I will sink knee deep in the sand. Lord that you will take this pain and take hold of the inflictor’s hearts and my own and weave them BOTH closer to You.

And to continue on with the spontaneity of this writing I will end on an even more sporadic note of asking if you guys are stuck on Friday? Are you stuck so far deep into the crucifixion that you have forgotten the cross? That you have forgotten that the tomb has been closed but the resurrection has occurred? Well if your answer is yes than your empathetic heart can match mine as I am yelling for any subtle reminder that I am no longer nailed down to my sin; that I am FORGIVEN. And so are you.

Writing this has made me thirsty so as I drink up His word and drink some water from my camelback to my right I pray for you, my friends and family, and pray that you would know that this freedom He talks about is reoccurring and new and that no matter what you do and who you disappoint…He is proud of you. He is so dang proud.


Peace and love my friends,
Kelsey

Redemption.

Every day we wake. She wakes up, and in turn wakes me up, and we collapse under this big beautiful green tree in the middle of what seems like an African forest. We sit and read and pray and hold on to each other to realize how much more Jesus is holding on to us. Some days look different than others simply because some days our kids are healthy and some days apart from our own sick kids; we are given more sick kids. And even further than that our hearts some days become sick themselves. Sick with our old lives back home, or sick with how we're currently living our lives now, or wanting everything in everyone's lives to just look different...look meaningful. Look like anything than what they actually appear to be. So I'm sitting under this tree (typical), and Jesus is calling out to me-literally almost yelling as He's saying,

"Child you are REDEEMED!"

...and I stop in my tracks. Like hello, have I lived away from structured society so long that I'm hearing voices in my head, or is this Yahweh? I deem it Him as I am redeemeed. After this kind of one-sided conversation I sit in awe and think about getting this one word sunk down deep within my skin forever. The next day I find myself under the same leaves opening a journal from someone who has a heart made straight from gold and the last word in it? Redeemed. Kelsey you are redeemed. Kelsey...He has REDEEMED you. And so I pray. Pray hard again as it always happens in that way, in that order. And then what does He do? Silly question as I run over the words and finally let them escape to realize that oh hey, He PROVIDES. That's what He does.

So many times we try and do it on our own. Isaac's sick and he won't stop crying...so what to we do?

"CAROLINE! He won't stop crying, no matter what I do, he just keeps crying!'
...I plead and plead for my sister to help me as I don't know how to hep this malnourished child.

As he finally falls alseep in my arms after screaming for hours, I fall asleep in my Daddy's arms who has been trying to get my attention for years...

"DADDY! I can't stop crying, no matter what I do, it's never good enough. It's never well enough. It's never...enough"

And I realize that I cannot save this boy in my arms. My flesh will fail along with my heart...so I should be crying out to the Father who heals...the Father who restores...the Father who REDEEMS! And surely enough He was holding both of us, that night. And surely enough Isaac hasn't been crying as much, and his face is filling out, and his body is even bending a bit. All because we serve a God who redeems us. A God who sees us all in shambles, covered in brokeness and still shouts out,

"DAUGHTER! I can't stop crying over your pain! DAUGHTER! No matter what happens in life I'm alway here for you. DAUGHTER! I'm always enough. DAUGHTER! I will always be enough..."

We read these red letters in the bible, or the black one's on pages of people we admire, or even our own words of affirmation resound in our heads on confusing days or tall mountains...but the only resounding voice that we should listen to is the truth of our Father who is always faithful...even when we suck beyond measure.

As for me? I woke up today and failed at loving. At giving everything to the Lord, at waking up in prayer, and treating those around me like I should. But it is the one word reminder of redemption that will ring throughout my ears all day. And it is the cross that is on my heart, and it is Isaac who is on God's. Please continue to be praying for this sweet sweet boy as we see God work miracles, and show His sense of humor proclaiming that we were silly for ever distrusting.

Peace and love, my friends.
-Kels

Thankful.

Welcome to Al-Shafa Hospital

Zuena and Janey

Kelsey and her boyfriend Zak

Sweet friends

Thursday after lunch, Kels and I took a boda and went to Masese to hang out with Renee and Danielle who run Serving His Children (go check out servinghischildren.org). It was such a beautiful boda ride through the countryside outside of Jinja where the land was hilly and green. We hung out with Renee and Danielle for about two hours and Renee got a call from Emily (at Ekisa) saying they had a new kid they needed to bring over for Renee to look at because he was extremely malnourished. After weighing and assessing this precious boy, we came to the conclusion that he is about 4 years old and weighs about 10 pounds. His name is Isaac (the second one in the past month!) and he is such a handsome child of God. I have never seen a child in person so severely malnourished. Isaac was then taken to a local hospital in Jinja town where they could care for his pneumonia and help him become nourished again. Kelsey and I stayed at the hospital for a few hours that afternoon and those few hours were some of the hardest most incredible hours of my life. We just layed by his side, hearing him cry tearless cries of pain and hurt. Not knowing completely the story behind how this precious child came to us, seeing the hurt in his eyes and the way someone has mistreated him was just more than my heart and mind could bear.

Isaac is so handsome. Although his skin is saggy and all of his bones are sticking out, he has so much wonder, pain, and passion in his deep, dark eyes. Emily thinks he probably has Cerebral Palsy because his legs don’t bend at all. The stiffness in his bones may very well be from severe malnutrition, but there is a strong chance he has a mental disability as well. He also has a really bad bacterial infection in his lungs which causes a horrible cough that sounds so painful. After feeding him milk supplement to help him gain weight for an hour and a half, I walked him around outside. I was singing to him and trying to help him fall asleep. But there was a moment where his heavy head leaned back, and those huge, wondrous eyes looked at me with so much pain. I told Isaac at that moment that I would never be the same. I can’t stop thinking about him and all the other malnourished kids around the world just like him. I’ve read about these things in class at Baylor, but this was the first time I’ve encountered it first hand and I don’t know how I will ever be able to go sit in a classroom and read about it. My heart feels so full: full of joy that we found him, full of pain that he has had to go through this, full of God and how much He loves his precious son, and full of hope for the future as I saw God working yesterday. My passion for malnutrition and children just like Isaac has grown more than I ever thought it would, just over night.

“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

Sweet Jesus,

What a blessing to be able to witness your restoration and mercy toward this precious son of yours. Father, I pray for his little heart. I pray that you strengthen it, fill it with joy, and watch over it as he becomes more nourished. I pray for his mind, that he will understand and know how much his heavenly Father cares for him and LOVES him. Show Isaac that he is strong, he is courageous, and he is written in the palm of the Creator’s hands. Encourage this boy, fill this boy with your unconditional love, pour out your grace on his healthy soul and nourish his earthly body so that he may be able to proclaim your name and give you praise! Lord, show him that You are his heavenly Father and that You love him so much. You have this whole situation under control, and we just need to trust that YOU are sovereign and all-powerful and will take care of your precious child. Thank you for your grace, for your redemption, for your forgiveness, for your love.

“What does God say to us? He says: ‘I have called you by your name, you are mine; water will not drown you, fire will not burn you, I will give up nations for you, you are precious to me, I love you. Even if a father could forget his child, I will not forget you. I have carved you in the palm of my hand.’ So also, the people who come in contact with you are precious to Him. Help them to grown in holiness because holiness is not a luxury reserved for a few. It is a simple duty for you and for me and for all.”  -Mother Teresa: The Joy in Loving

“As the truth is in Jesus, put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:21-24

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Life here has been crazy lately, with new children needing loving care, new volunteers and visitors coming in and out, and the Lord teaching Kelsey and I so much each day, sometimes I just need to sit and process. Thankfully, I am blessed to be experiencing each day with my best friend who has been a constant encouragement and stronghold for me these past two months. Kelsey has the passion to love others at a level that doesn’t make since to the world. Whether she fills a room with laughter, prays and sings praises over sweet Isaac in the hospital, or hugs me when I least expect it, my sweet sister has the gift of loving others well. Seeing her love these children relentlessly is truly inspiring to everyone. Her selfless attitude and willingness to serve is such an incredible example of how Christ should be portrayed in each of our lives. We have both been learning so much about how to love God more deeply and through that, how to love others as He loves us. Even though we both realize that we can ALWAYS love others more, I have also realized how blessed I am to be sharing each day I’m here with my best friend who teaches me more how to love every moment as I see Jesus in her constantly. Thankful and blessed are two words that just don’t express fully how much I care and adore this sister of Christ I have the opportunity to love each day. Father, continue to teach me how to love Kelsey more and to learn from how she loves others through the love you have for her. Love you so much Kels, and I am beyond thankful that I am here with YOU!

-Care

Children of God.

African hospitals really are how you picture them. A small room with a couple of beds and if you’re there long enough you can even hear the Mosque call. The doctors come in and all they really know how to do is ask, “How is your child” when your heart is breaking because you don’t want to answer.

Yesterday was a great day learning about a friend’s ministry. Learning and meeting kids who are severely malnourished and seeing how easy it is to love them so outrageously. Sincere conversation turned into an unexpected phone call, that turned into a new kid at Ekisa, which turned into the realization that if they were calling them-then this boy was sick. This boy was so malnourished.

So African hospitals really are how you picture them. Even worse when you have a sick kid in your hands and even worse when you know that there’s nothing you can do except love him.

And feed him. Caroline and I were left with this sweet boy for hours not really knowing what to do. We worked together to lift up his stiff body and I had to stick the syringe in his mouth to feed him the milk that would make him full again. 90 little ML turned into an hour and a half of our hearts breaking as he would cough and moan and we would pray and pray.

But there was this moment. I know he didn’t understand me but that didn’t stop my prayers. I just had to tell him; I just had to whisper in his ear and tell him how much he is loved. I just had to rub his head and tell him it was going to be okay because someone a lot stronger than me and Care was holding him and that he was safe because of that. Caroline had stepped outside for a moment and I just said again into his ear that,

“You are loved child. You are loved by Jesus, and I promise he won’t ever let you go.”

And for a moment, just a small one, he looked up at me and stopped crying. Just a moment, though. But I know it’s because he heard God tell him so. He heard God tell him something that made him stop crying and made him feel okay…if even only just for a second.

Yesterday I woke up and started my day in the word. Knowing I am flawed but learning how to love I went on with my day praying and laughing and learning. But today I woke up knowing how open my heart was cracked. Today I woke up and all I wanted to do was pray for this sweet little boy. Today I know that I am made for more than just living and moving and today I know that I am made to love. Isaac changed my life, yesterday. In just a few hours this 3 years old, 10 pound child, ripped my heart open and showed me who Jesus really was.

Ever since I’ve been here at Ekisa, the Lord has shown me how big He can make my heart for all of His children-but especially children with special needs. But I learned something else yesterday; that we are all children of God. And after meeting Isaac all I ever want to do is sit with sick children and tell them how much they are loved by someone so much bigger and so much braver than myself.

Needless to day, Isaac needs your prayers! After only a day his face if filling out and he is getting full! But he still has a while longer to go so just pray for strength and health and healing. Our God is capable and we just have to trust that His will be done and rest easy in knowing how Sovereign He is. And how lucky are we? Just to be witnesses to miracles like little Isaac. Just to be used by God and for Him to let us see His beautiful creation how we really should. We are all children of God-sometimes some of us just need that little extra reminder. I’m sorry if when I get home you don’t recognize me-because don’t you see, I will never be the same again.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.”

1 John 3: 1-2

Peace and love and love, my friends.

-Kelsey 

The Prodigal Son.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

So I’m imagining myself in the field Caroline and I have been starting our days in. This long stretch of land that they seem to call an airfield is quickly becoming our safe-haven to run with the Lord. Maybe to even just sit with Him for a while. In this same field I imagine my life flash before my eyes. I imagine the huge chunk of time when I claimed to know the Lord but didn’t really seek Him. I imagine an even bigger chunk of time when I denied His name completely, and I remember today. Today was the best, really it was.

We woke up to immediately fall into our Father’s mercies. That followed with me helping the mama’s with laundry and grabbing a cup of tea to DJ while Care and George made stencils for the kids. Then writing letters. Long letters that we waited too long to write and then a ride into town to send them with the most joy and to find somewhere that would serve us breakfast at noon. Noon turned into 3pm as we ended up at this beautiful place by the Nile pleading for rain. The rain didn’t come, but instead we took some kids to town and basked in the simpleness of sitting with them and that being enough. Then out of nowhere…the rain came. And I don’t mean a drizzle but a torrential downpour of everything the day had been to us. The best day. The trees blowing and probably a rainbow somewhere; anywhere. We couldn’t find it, but I knew God wouldn’t bring that kind of rain without a reminder. And if it wasn’t enough I had a talk with my sweet sister that meant something more than ‘how was your day’, even though I would have answered with today being the best-because it was. Going to worship night seemed like a perfect way to end the day, and if wasn’t enough, the prodigal’s son was read.

So I imagine myself in this same field, once more. I imagine myself just 2 years ago, so new in my faith and so eager for answers. Knowing that I had been running away for far too long and just looking across this field with my heart in my hand and seeing Him, my Father, run towards me. Ya know one of those ugly runs where you put your whole body into it-that was my Dad running full force-and running to me.

He takes me in my brokenness. Even now while knowing His character and experiencing His love…I tend to stray. I tend to be that stupid little sheep who thinks that my tomorrow is mine and not His. Even now while knowing that He is BEGGING me, on His knees YEARNING for me to come back. And even when I don’t, He still doesn’t give up on me. And even when I take one more step further away, and another, and maybe another past that-He is sitting criss-cross applesauce in the airfield, waiting for His daughter to return. And I always will because no one picks me up, just spins me around-like Jesus.

And it never seizes to amaze me that not only did He give His only son to die for us…literally sacrificing everything…but He did that and He still waits for us and He still forgives us. Time after time, knowing I will break His heart all over again…He takes me broken and battered and makes me whole. I was lost but He found me. And after being this outrageously found, I never wanna stray again. I just wanna sit in that African airfield forever with my Dad.

The Land of a Thousand Hills

Soccer game in Kigali

Mountain and Sunset

The boarding school that we went and hung out at

View from the camp grounds

Sweet friends

       

Sorry for the absence in blogging the past couple weeks, the Lord has blessed Kelsey and I with the opportunity to visit Rwanda and see some sweet friends from camp that were experiencing the Lord’s work in another beautiful country that was so different from Uganda. Kelsey and I had quite a journey getting there! It was definitely an experience I will never forget. It all began with an easy drive to the airport outside of Kampala but soon became a whole lot of awkward moments, that always tend to happen when Kelsey and I are together. We got on the plane, had a dance party in our seats, landed in Rwanda 35 minutes later and there began such an adventure. We were informed by a friend to go hang out at a coffee shop in Kigali that is very “American” and easy to find. After we enjoyed some yummy food and African coffee, we went to the main bus stop in Kigali to hop on the bus that would take us to Musanze. Little did we know that this bus stop was HUGE and we were the only white people (“muzungus”) that were amongst approximately 400 Rwandans who didn’t speak any English. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing, but decided that we would soak up the experience and make the most of it. After asking many strangers where to go and what to do to get on the right bus, we waited for about an hour and were consistently stared at by little Rwandan children who had probably never seen a muzungu in their life.

            We finally got on the right bus to Musanze, or at least we assumed we did, and started the two-hour drive through the many mountains of Rwanda and just marveled at how stunning the country was. As we were marveling at the Lord’s beautiful creation, a Rwandan man behind us was worshiping the Lord and praying passionately for his people and their broken past. He was singing at the top of his lungs, not caring at all that everyone in the bus was staring and wondering what he was doing. Even though we could not understand a word this man was singing, his boldness to proclaim the gospel and shout out the name of the Lord without care was inspiring and encouraging to witness. We finally made it to Musanze and found our friends Julie and Shelby. Julie is taking the semester off of school at UGA to teach at a school in Musanze. Shelby is part of the Kivu Gap Year, and just finished up spending 6 weeks in Rwanda at the Kids Across Africa house. It was such a great time with camp friends as we all laughed, shared our hearts with each other, and experienced life alongside each other in a different country.

            Our time in Rwanda was a beautiful time of rest, relaxation, and basking in the gorgeous weather and marveling at the gorgeous surroundings. But more importantly, Kelsey and I were also encouraged by our sweet friends, challenged to look at Africa a little differently, and inspired and reassured that for both of us, Africa is a place where we will both someday live in the future. Being here for only a little over a month has confirmed to me that my heart is in Africa and it is these beautiful people that I want to come back and show the love of Jesus to. What that looks like, I’m not sure yet, but I do know that the Lord has a plan and that he is prevalently revealing His will to me each day that I am here.

Prayer Requests:

            >The Gap Year kids are climbing Mount Kilimanjaro RIGHT NOW! Please be praying for safety, strength, endurance, and positive attitudes.

            >That Kelsey and I would passionately seek to know the Lord more and that His character would continue to be revealed to us in our daily life here at Ekisa.

            >That I would learn how to love the people around me better. I can ALWAYS love people better. “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise” (Mother Theresa). I want to see each person I encounter as if they are Jesus and that “my love would abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” (Phillipians 1:9) as I seek the Lords character and let His love for me pour out on everyone around me.

Miss you all and hope you enjoy the pictures :)

-Care

Oh How He Loves Us.

I sit in the shed that is their classroom, and the dirt floors make it even more comfortable. I am only just an arms length away from my boy, and I suddenly wish to scoop him up in my arms and tell him that he so outrageously loved. I see the other kids stare relentlessly, wondering why he looks so much different than them. I just want to grab their little black faces and say,

“because this child is JOY. This child is REDEMPTION. This child is Jesus…”

…that is why he is different. A dear friend of mine encouraged me this week to go even lower than the least of these to find Jesus. That when you think you’ve reached the most brokenness that He will show you that you must stoop lower; touch the bottom of the whole entire world. And that is where I’ve found Jesus, because that is where I found Walter.

He is the surest definition of strength and I want more than anything for him to know that. For him to know how tightly he is being held by the only one who will ever love him enough.

I feel abundant joy when he only just jumps in my arms. I feel like I’m sinking in grace when he buries his face in my shoulder. I see the love of Jesus when I’m blessed with a glimpse of his most endearing smile and I think,

“My God…THIS is what love looks like.”

And then I think of the cross-as I always seem to do in times of brokenness-and I remember just how much He loves us. Dear Jesus, I have seen how much He loves us through this beautiful boy. Oh how He loves us.

He Will Laugh.

I read Genesis and am reminded of the great sacrifice Abraham was willing to make for the Lord, sacrificing his only son Isaac, and trusting that God knew what He was doing far more than Abraham did. I think about the amount of faith that would take, but I am just so reminded of God's faithfulness, too. God spared Isaac's life that day, knowing far too soon that His son...His only son...wouldn't be spared.

Isaac came to Ekisa yesterday afternoon, just a 9 year-old boy with a broken arm and heart. I didn't spend much time with him because he had to go straight to the hospital, but there were a couple minutes spent with him on the floor trying to make him comfortable. No reassurement came as he moved his head from my kneecap to the crook of my arm-knowing I couldn't take the pain away.

But Isaac is ours now. Ours! He was delivered from his abandonment and Christ spared his life, like He did Abraham's son. Isaac is the Hebrew word for "he will laugh" and it is so very fitting. Isaac is such a handsome, sweet boy, and I can't wait until the day that he will laugh. I pray for Isaac to experience healing and the same type of joy that I encounter every single day from these amazing kids. Purely the love of God here at Ekisa, and nothing less.

-Kelsey

Prayer and Restoration

God is doing some huge things at Ekisa, in Jinja, and in Uganda. These children have been taken out of the worst situations imaginable and brought into restoration through the power of Jesus Christ.

Please be praying for one of our sweet boys, Zak. Zak came to Ekisa about a little less than a year ago starved of food and love because of his disability. He was less than 30 pounds at the age of 10 when he arrived at Ekisa. Zak is now a very plump 11 year old full or more joy for life than I could ever muster. Unfortunately, his epilepsy has been flaring up the past couple weeks. About two weeks ago he got very sick and had a high fever followed by many seizures lasting a couple days. Thankfully, the fever broke and Zak was back to his goofy self. On Saturday, however, Zak had another seizure, and this time there was not a fever that accompanied it. The seizures continued throughout the night and into the morning and thankfully stopped, but we are all worried that his epilepsy medicine is not working on his precious body. Please be praying that Zak will receive his medicine well and that these horrible seizures would STOP and he would be freed from that worry and scare.

Zak before Ekisa


Zak Now :)





What an incredible God we serve. A God who gives us ALL a second chance. A God who freely gives out undeserved GRACE on his broken people and will wrap you in His arms no matter what you look like, what your past looks like, what your future may have in store. He longs for us to come to Him with EVERYTHING, because without giving Him everything we have, we are coming to Him on our own terms and hiding what we think is too big to fix. These precious children that I get to love on each day are teaching me so much more than I could ever teach them. These children have come out of utter brokenness, literally having nothing else to give. But the pure joy that they find in even the smallest things is such an example of the way each one of us should be living our lives. When we are rescued by the Father out of the sin of this world and RESTORED to the woman or man the Lord has created us to be, we should have nothing else but pure joy! I am thankful everyday that I serve a God of unconditional grace and mercy, for I alone am too messed up to accept anything less.

"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in HOPE." Romans 15:13

"For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, s that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to Him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:21-25

Prayer Requests:
-Health for all of our staff
-Safety and ease of nerves as Emily (the Ekisa director) leaves for America on Wednesday. She will be gone for a month and be working on fundraising all across the US.
-Zak and his seizures
-Zwena (one of the girls at Ekisa) who is recovering from malaria and battling with typhoid
-A potential new child may be coming to Ekisa! Please be praying that if it is the Lord's will, that His will alone would be done. She has cerebral palsy and epilepsy and would be such a great fit here.

Missing you all and praying for you daily!

-Care

Belonging.

I walk down the street and it already feels so normal to have two hands holding mine. Jason and Walter don’t let go as they jump over cracks in the sidewalk and hurl over curbs…and I somehow remember this feeling.

It’s what I feel when I realize they put Janey in a white t-shirt again, when she's the dirtiest of them all.

It’s what I feel when Walter jumps on my lap and doesn’t say a word.

It’s what I feel when Mweuru tackles me, and places his hand gently on my face before running away.

It’s what I feel when Jason kisses me goodnight on the hand.

It’s a sense of belonging. A sense of knowing that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I finally found where I belong. I really, truly did.

Jinja, Uganda is an exquisite place. Many call it “mini America” because you won’t walk down Main Street without seeing at least one other Muzungu. I’ve been here not even 3 weeks and I already never want to leave. The love and compassion that people have here is truly inspiring, and it makes me never want to stop moving.

But sometimes it is hard to move. After a long night of not sleeping, maybe I just want to sleep in. After the power is finally back on, maybe I just want to take a hot shower and confine myself to my room. But the purpose is bigger, and the anxiety really isn’t much. God takes it all anyway, so even if I wanted to complain, I know that I could just hand it all to my Father (He’s pretty awesome like that).

So as I am writing this, I challenge myself to continue to move and work for God in His glory. When days are long I will put my strength in Him, and when patience is short, I will give Him my time. I am here for His glory and not my own, and as Care and I continue to spread the love-I pray that you, my loved one’s, will join in this movement with me. This movement to live in urgency and to never stop loving because you are tired and worn out.

John 15:16 says,

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and I set you that you should go forth and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give you.”

Brb, gunna go try and bear fruit now.


-Kelsey

Be Still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

It’s all I seem to remember as I weave in and out of the glorious moments of children laughing to the harder moments of Satan yelling. It’s a beautiful compilation of mountains and valleys-yet I find myself on the highest hilltop during unexpected stillness and much needed reminders of how faithful Yahweh is.

Another reminder of the unwavering presence of God? Zoena’s smile. Whether stealing drinks of Cola or even getting an IV, that little girl is the epitome of the Father’s love for us, I swear it. And for those wearier moments, snagging a glimpse of little Janey as she hops in and out of the room giggling all the while, like she had just witnessed the funniest thing of her life. Even simple times though, like when Jason yells “Auntie Kelsey, come sit!” and I just smile at the fact that he already knows my name.

But a moment of complete surrender came during worship night. Aw shucks the power was out turned into praise the Lord with just the simplicity of the candles and guitar. The fact that it only took the words,

“I want to be near to you” for me to remember how close He was.

And today, sitting in the quiet, were the words of another song proclaiming,

“There’s no place I would rather be, than here in Your love”

…and I know that there truly is no where else for me, right now. That God ordained this journey and all I am doing is sitting in the stillness of His perfect plan, knowing that He is who He says He is, and that He’s so close that I could literally share this peach mango water I have, with Him. By the way, you should totally try it. It’s from Wal-Mart and it’s totally amazing.

And on a quite hilarious note-Care and I nearly got trampled by a herd of cows today on our way to the Nile. #thirdworldproblems.

Peace and love and love.

-Kelsey

If We are Faithless, He Remains Faithful

Today I marvel at how faithful the Lord is. Kelsey and I are adjusting quickly, but there are still moments that are hard and trying. Life in Africa is so much more relaxed and slow-paced. At first, it was very difficult for me to adjust to that lifestyle when I was so used to life at Baylor where I was constantly hanging out with people, studying, or going to class. But even just from this first week we have been here I have felt the Lord’s presence more than I ever have in my life. All the quiet moments I have throughout the day I try to fill with prayer, thanks, and time in the Word. So many of the prayers that I have had while being here just this one week have already been answered and I am in awe of how prevalently He is continuing to work through Kelsey and I.

Things are finally becoming comfortable and the kiddos’ personalities are becoming more visible. One sweet boy, I mentioned in my previous post, has really captured my attention and stolen my heart.

Walter is about 7, I think, and came to Ekisa a little less than a year ago.  Before he came here, he was abused by someone (probably a parent) pouring acid all over his body, which melting his skin. Walter is so incredibly smart, however, his disability is physical. He LOVES playing with blocks, painting, and learning new things. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to live life in a place where all the children around you that are your age are not mentally on the same level. Most of the time he is running around the yard, laughing, and playing tricks on his new Aunties (Kelsey and I) but there are other moments where I see in his eyes how much he longs to be loved and cared for. I see in those eyes how much his physical appearance must frustrate him, how when we walk down the street and children stare and he knows that he doesn’t look like them. Sometimes it seems like Walter is spoiled rotten, but then I realize that he, of all the children, needs a lot of love because of what he has gone through. He has so much potential to do great things, to find a family who loves him, and to tell others his story and the beauty of God’s grace that exudes from his heart. I pray for this sweet boy, that he may know how much he truly is loved, by those at the orphanage, but also by his heavenly Father who cherishes his son, no matter what he looks like. This precious boy has already blessed me and taught me so much. I pray also for myself, that I will be observant to the needs and type of love each child needs, for they are all so different. Each child at Ekisa is so precious in the eyes of the Lord, and I just wish I could love them with as much compassion as their heavenly Father does. But the best I can do is to continue seeking the Lord and learning His character, and through discovering more of the Lord, that the love my Jesus has for me would overflow onto these kids. They deserve the Father’s love as much as anyone, and I feel my purpose here is to show that to them.

Recently, I was encouraged to read 2 Timothy, which has literally been changing the way I view each day after I read it every morning.

“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works, but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began.”

2 Timothy 1:8-9

What a beautiful picture, and prayer, of how we should ALL be living our lives. Our God is so faithful and we are all beyond blessed to have opportunity to serve Him each and every day.

More pictures coming soon :) Love and miss you all!

-Caroline