My Own Flesh.

One can't always tell the difference between me acting my strange self or malaria possibly entering my brain...well except my best friend, that is. 

Caroline and I had finally gone to town to indulge in the milkshake we waited 40 days for, and I had been feeling more like myself than I had that whole week. Malaria drained all the energy from my body and I felt like the dried up gum on the sidewalk. And I’m probably the worst sick person alive…I mean really I act like I can run a 5K when I have a temp of 103’. Okay not really, but I was stoked to be feeling better. After leaving one of our favorite coffee shops in town we started walking to the super market to get some groceries when I started feeling weird. I thought it was just because I was exuding more energy than I had in days, so I shook it off and continued down the street. I wish I could keep describing the next couple hours but they’re completely erased from my memory.

I told Caroline I remembered putting shorts in a bag vaguely realizing that they were forcing me to go to the hospital in Kampala, but not really knowing why? I remember no moments from the first hospital and I remember some from the second. Memory seemed to fade in and out until I finally gained coherency once we were in our hospital room. One needle turned into four as they struggled to get the canula in, and keep it in. Up there with islands and ladybugs, needles are probably one of my biggest fears, so you can only imagine my hysteria. No you probably couldn’t. Only my rock star of a best friend could as she held my hand as if I were giving birth or something. I mean really I think her hand was turning purple as she told me I could squeeze it as hard as I wanted when the needle entered my skin, and I did nothing to hesitate, taking full advantage of her gesture.

As I write these words and think about the past couple days, they were nothing short of awful. I mean hospitals are already bad enough and even worse in a third world country and maybe even worse when you have parasites in your brain. But Caroline made me laugh. She reminded me of God through the pain. She showed me Jesus through my tears. Oh how I thank Yahweh for Caroline's heart being as open and big as it is for through that I never, I mean never seize to see the love of the Lord. She exudes that. She chooses joy. And she reminds me to do the same. 

You know how people say in college to never room with your best friend? Try living and breathing every moment of your day with yours. Seems awful, yeah? Seems maybe emotionally exhausting? Possibly fight provoking, even? Well with my best friend? Well with Caroline it's different. Getting the opportunity to spend every day in my favorite place in the world with one of the most wonderful people I know could make me nothing less than so incredibly blessed. But wanna know another reason?

It's the days when I can't seem to sleep because of my insomnia and she keeps her weary eyes open for me. 

It's the mornings when I wake up and don't want to seek the Lord as well as the day before, but that's all she encourages me to do.

It's the nights when she drags me to the hospital two hours away because my simple malaria has turned cerebral...when she holds my hand during every IV, every blown canula, every dose of my awful drip, and yells at the doctors to get it right on the first try so they wouldn't have to keep poking and prodding.

And it's especially in those extra horrible moments when all you want to do is run, and she grabs onto me to fill me with an overflow of prayer. And not just a “Dear Jesus” kind of prayer but rather a, let’s go cry for hours at how faithful the creator of the Universe is, prayer. One that makes you want to fall on the cross, when you’ve already just fallen on your face.

Not to start a fight or anything, but my best friend is better than yours…and that’s because my best friend offers me wisdom from the red letters in our favorite book. That’s because she doesn’t just hold me when comforting me, she lavishly clothes me in prayer. That’s because she wakes up at 2am every night to give me the medicine that essentially, saved my life. That’s because she gives me grace. And she continues to give me grace when I don’t deserve it, because God gives us grace when we’ve never deserved it. When I think about the best representation of God’s love I immediately think of Jesus. And when I think about the second? Caroline.

Thank you God, for giving me this sister whom I now consider my own flesh. Please teach me to love others because YOU loved us first. And teach me how to give YOU the glory at the end of the day…and praise YOU in every storm; in every valley. Center my heart directly on YOUR will and not Kelsey’s. Teach me to give my days, every day, to YOU. And God thanks for healing me. Thanks for comforting me. Just really thanks for Your Son. The one you sacrificed for my ungracious heart because you love us too much.

Gosh tonight I just close my eyes feeling so dang blessed.

Peace and love, my friends; my family. The same thing, really.

Kelsey